Should I have a spiritual director? How do I find a good one?
After some time, every priest begins to find his niche. He tends to find a special set of priestly activities — in addition to the ordinary demands on every priest’s life — that bring him particular joy and fulfillment. For me, spiritual direction is one of these activities. There’s already a problem, though. When I say “spiritual direction,” I have an idea in my head. Is it the same as yours? We should probably sort this out first.
It helps to know why you would like to go to spiritual direction. Spiritual direction is wonderful for growth in holiness. A good director can help you to come to know and love the Lord better. It is important to distinguish it, though, from mental health counseling. If you suffer from immense anxiety or depression, you might need a counselor first. Priests are generally good at typical pastoral counseling issues like grief or discerning where to go next in life. On the other hand, there can be a temptation to use spiritual direction as an alternative to counseling, like you might use a butter knife to unscrew something from the wall. The butter knife has its uses, but it was never for home improvement. Still, a priest can help you make that jump if you’re frightened. Sometimes we all need a little encouragement to take the next step.
Who should I ask? Well, when you read the works of saints like Francis de Sales, John of the Cross and many others, you will find them encouraging every Christian to seek out a wise and learned priest. There are certainly many advantages to this. The priest can direct with more authority as he is an ordained representative of the Church. Hopefully he has spent many years not only studying the spiritual life, but also living it. God also gives him special graces to direct souls.
At times, though, members of the faithful have asked me to be their director and I have had to turn them away. One of the saddest things in life is that there are too many good things to do in one lifetime. Perhaps you, too, have been unsuccessful in finding a priest spiritual director. (Stop reading for a minute and pray a Hail Mary for more holy vocations!)
In the meantime, here are a few encouragements: 1.) Keep looking. See if you can find a wise priest who has some availability. 2.) Help him to say yes by telling him a couple specific things you would like to address in your spiritual life. 3.) Seek brief counsel in the Sacrament of Confession when feasible. 4.) If the priests in your life aren’t available, don’t forget the many people in your life who can accompany you: good and holy friends, fellow parishioners, and wise lay Catholics (some with formal training in spiritual accompaniment). 5.) There are also many great works by the saints that can help us grow spiritually. Check out “Introduction to the Devout Life” by St. Francis de Sales for a classic. More recently, “Introduction to the Spiritual Life,” by Brant Pitre is also an excellent start.
Let us pray for one another, that the Holy Spirit might direct us to greater union with our Lord!
Father Sullivan is a priest of the Archdiocese of St. Louis pursuing continuing studies in psychology. He is currently enrolled at Divine Mercy University.
