Parish grief ministry is all a part of evangelization

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Michelle Ritter, a parish nurse for St. Martin de Porres Parish in Hazelwood and St. Ferdinand Parish in Florissant, puts together backpacks for children who recently lost a loved one. The program is called “Building Bridges to Hope.”

When a parish family reaches out to its members who are grieving, it's a form of evangzelization.

That's what Michelle Ritter believes. The parish nurse, who splits her time between two north St. Louis County parishes, St. Martin De Porres in Hazelwood and St. Ferdinand in Florissant, has spent the last several years developing a grief support ministry for parishioners there.

"We need to embrace everybody and let them know that (grief) is a journey and they're not alone," she said. "It's important to bring to them a ray of hope and for them to know that there's a new horizon" beyond the loss.

Two years ago, Ritter began developing a grief support program for children, called "Building Bridges to Hope." Based at St. Ferdinand, the six- to eight-week program is generally held once a year for children in kindergarten through fifth grade. While the material is rooted in the Catholic faith, the program is open to everyone.

As part of the program, Ritter offers a special backpack, filled with items such as age-appropriate books on grief, a memory box, a journal notebook with prompts she has written "to kind of get them to think about things," and a special chart for children to assess how they're feeling during the stages of grief. The backpacks are paid for through a grant Ritter received from the Lutheran Foundation.

The program also has materials for parents on how to talk to their children about grief.

"That is still a big stigma," she explained. "The more a taboo we make it, kids will start to form their own assumptions about death. So when grandma dies, don't say, 'Grandma is taking a nap.' Do you think that 5-year-old you just said that to is going to want to take a nap after hearing that?"

Also included in the ministry is a monthly grief support group for adults, called "New Beginnings." Each month, the group meets at the Knobbe House at St. Martin De Porres and explores a different topic. It is facilitated by Ritter, along with Deacon Dave Pacino and several widow/widower volunteers from the parish.

Guilt is one example of the topics covered. "People will often feel bad for being mad at God" after a death, she explained. "I tell them, 'God is big enough to handle your anger.'"

Ritter also brings her personal experience with grief to the table. Her son, Joshua, was 3 when he died of a stroke in 1999. Through her own experience, "I am able to bring some empathy to the situation. Sometimes knowing someone has gone through something similar gives you an 'in' with the grieving person." She's also gone through grief ministry training through Annie's Hope, a local organization that provides grief support for children, teens and families.

As a parish nurse, Ritter said her goal is to offer grief support through the lens of faith. She said she also defines her role as someone who provides "intentional care of the spirit, utilizing nursing theory." She relies on a holistic approach, using five dimensions of grief: physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and cognitive.

That means, for example, she can meet with a person, assess needs and see if he or she needs additional professional help.

"Grief can easily transition to depression," she said. "And a nurse can identify that. We can see if it's something more complicated than regular grief" and refer that person to professional grief counseling.

For some, receiving grief support through the parish is important while others may need that break -- often going to a support group through an outside organization or hospital -- from the parish. "Some want that distance," she said. "They need a little bit of space from where the funeral was held, where everybody knows your business. And that's OK."

But going through the parish for that support can make a difference, and what Ritter calls an "I can breathe again kind of moment."

"We as a parish ... bring faith to our grief, and that's huge," she said.

Grief support in north County

• A Mass of Remembrance, will be celebrated at 7 p.m. Wednesday, Nov. 2, at St. Ferdinand Parish, 1765 Charbonier Road in Florissant. All are welcome.

• The Longest Night will take place at 7 p.m. Wednesday, Dec. 21, at St. Martin de Porres, 615 Dunn Road in Hazelwood. Held the night before the winter solstice, the event for grieving individuals will include a prayer service, followed by a movie and other activities.

• Michelle Ritter said the Stations of the Cross for the bereaved is held in Lent.

For information on grief support, e-mail Michelle Ritter at mritter@smdpstl.com.