The evolution of a relationship to a lovely, comforting journey

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Lesley Bissett, left, and her dog, Rosie, walked down the hall Sept. 22 with resident Jessie Pauls at the St. Peters Manor Care Center in St. Peters. Bissett met Pauls through Senior Connections, a program of the Singer Institute that matches trained, dependable volunteers with residents at sites throughout the St. Louis area.

When I first met Jessie, I could see doubt in her eyes when the skilled nursing facility’s activities director explained that, if she was agreeable, a Senior Connections relational volunteer would visit her on a weekly basis. I was that volunteer.

Jessie’s stepdaughter previously worked at the same facility but secured employment closer to her home, which was 25 miles away. She comes to visit irregularly. Her stepson lives on the East Coast and, because of his health, is not able to travel.

Jessie, a native of Birmingham, England, listened and then agreed to the visits with a smile on her face and delight in her voice.

At our first visit I learned that she likes to read. I lent her the book, “At Home in Mitford,” and she loved. Fortunately I had all seven of the Mitford series books, so I always had the next one ready for her.

Rosie, my 9-year-old Lhasa Apso/Maltese mix, and I visit one morning a week, and Jessie always has a treat (saved from breakfast) for Rosie. She refers to the dog as “My Sweet Rosie O’Grady” and tries to get Rosie to give her a kiss.

It has been three years since our first visit, and we have developed a friendship treasured by both of us. It is one of respect and dignity for each other. And while we laugh and ask Trivia questions of each other, Jessie knows that I will always be there for her. Even if there comes a time when she does not recognize me or know me, I will be there because I know her.

From our first meeting we learned about each other. She was a World War II child who was sent to her parents’ friends in Ireland to avoid the bombing in England, while I was a young Canadian who took up figure skating, thankful also to have parents who loved me.

As new friends, she showed me photos of her childhood, marriage and acquaintances. I showed her photos of my days as a principal skater in Shipstads & Johnson’s Ice Follies and of my family. While our growing-up stages were quite different, we felt very much alike, being able to develop a relationship of trust and understanding.

In being a friend to Jessie, I realize that I have received so much more than I have given her a sense of purpose and being needed. Yet we respect each other’s right to individuality and an acceptance of the differences. We can gently tease each other about our idiosyncrasies and laugh at ourselves without the slightest fear of disturbing or destroying the relationship. It is a comfortable and warm feeling to experience a friendship of that nature.

I firmly believe that a good relationship develops when one is genuinely interested in the other person, wanting to hear their stories, asking questions about their favorite things — all within the boundaries of propriety. To be a good listener, not only with the ears but with the eyes. To be a gift to them in terms of support, empathy, good cheer and genuine interest and friendship. Also, it is important to respect them as individuals with their own likes and dislikes in a manner of acceptance. We are all different, and it is important to appreciate the differences.

Bissett is proud to be a part of Senior Connections and has been visiting Jessie for about two and a half years. For information on Senior Connections call (314) 727-9202, or see singerinstitute.org.