No respect

Submitted on August 02, 2001

Send to friend So rocker Rod Stewart thinks that marriage licenses should be renewed each year just like, his words here, a "dog license." Wed twice and a notorious womanizer, the 56-year-old father of five thinks the marriage vows that have been in existence "for 600 years" are hopelessly out of date because they were designed for people with a 35-year life span. These days, he pontificates, marriage-for-life is too big a commitment because "you're going to be with someone for 50 years - it's impossible." Impossible? Not for Eileen and Paul Infante of Eastchester, who were among the 450 couples celebrating their 50th anniversary recently in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City. They said the most important part of the day was its affirmation that "no matter what's going on in the world today, (marriage) can work." Were the couples celebrating an outmoded institution? It didn't look that way to anyone observing Eileen and Bernard McGeever of Riverdale, who held hands like newlyweds as they renewed their vows. Dorothy Buttermark remembers the sun shining brightly when she exchanged vows with her husband, Hugh, on April 28, 1951, at St. Mary of the Assumption Church on Staten Island. It was such a happy day that they tried to recreate it by arriving at the cathedral in a bridal limousine - a gift from their family. Another couple, Vivian Lucy and Charles Wyker of Yorktown Heights, offered their prescription for marital success: "Respect for each other." Cardinal Edward M. Egan celebrated the Mass for the golden jubilarians, telling them their commitment "to the permanence and sanctity of marriage is ... something of which America, New York and the Church can be very proud." Sure, the notion of a lifetime commitment in marriage took a beating in the 20th century, and there were periods when it seemed as though more people were getting divorced than getting married. This took a heavy toll on the couples involved - just ask anyone who's been through a so-called no-fault divorce about the emotional, financial and psychological suffering they endured. Multiply that pain by 10 if there were children. Even Rod Stewart, whose incessant flirtations caused his second wife to leave him after eight years and two children, has felt the pain. "I was not ready for that," he told a Scottish newspaper. "I was ill-equipped for it." Yet even as he describes that experience as his most painful ever, he clearly hasn't learned from it, judging by his comment. "The vows should be written like a dog's license that has to be renewed every year." Maybe it's too much to expect someone like Stewart, the major talent that he is, to be anything other than self-involved (think of his hit song, "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?") given the adulation that has been heaped on him in his long career. But he's an important part of the pop culture that has created the anti-marriage mindset, so his silly self-indulgences can have sad consequences indeed. Married couples and those contemplating it would be far wiser to absorb the message of the 450 couples in the cathedral who, the Cardinal said, "walked through their married life hand-in-hand with Jesus Christ." This editorial appeared in a recent issue of Catholic New York, newspaper of the Archdiocese of New York.